I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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