The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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