Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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