I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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