I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
