thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
