theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
