all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She bit a glass in half.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
