You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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