I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
