see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
