btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
