direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize