Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
