I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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