the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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