someone threw a dead crab at me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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