YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
