I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
