I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
