Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
