I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
