There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
