Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This baby is an asshole
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize