You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
