I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
