I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to make out with him forever
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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