No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
