I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
