we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
