worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
