Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
