Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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