You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
