I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
