Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
