okay pat passed out under dana's car
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
