toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
