Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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