i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
