20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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