I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
