fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
