this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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