Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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