The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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