How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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