either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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