Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You pole danced in your parka.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
