i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
