he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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