I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
