i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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