What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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