Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize