The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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