so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
