I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
