I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
