Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
