She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
