a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
