your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
