So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
