Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
