Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he fucked my hip out of place.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
