She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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