Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
