god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
