the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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