I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize